Managing your Kids emotions after a mistake

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Mistakes are part and parcel of life and it is sometimes unavoidable. We are not raising ‘Perfect Kids’, we are here to empower them with essential life skills to support  them in bouncing back when faced with a  negative situation- Help them live their best life! STOP nagging, constantly pointing out mistakes and bringing up past mistakes.

My oldest has entered a phase where he messes up and gets frustrated with himself, to the point he sulks in a corner for an extended period. How do we use good judgment in a situation and help our kids get past these situations? Here are a few tips I have learned with time and experience. Now, these tips work best with kids who are 5 years and above. For my youngest it’s "TIME OUT", i am still figuring that one out (LOL!!).

An Example from my 7 year old boy’s experience : “MOM, I suck at football, I was annoyed and i kicked the temporary goal post down when i was playing with friends”

 1. Get the facts out. “Can you describe to me what happened and what led to you feeling this way?  “My friends laughed when I  could not pass and kick with the right techniques, it made me angry, Now they will not want to play with me ever” (my boy’s response)

It is important that we teach them the difference betweenfacts and feelings.  So my response is :

You suck at football is your perception and feeling. I’ve seen you play and i think you are fabulous. You may want to get further coaching to get better at it and we can discuss and look into that ( he is going through a feeling of shame and anger at this point and i am trying to get to the root of that).

Did your friends mention to you that they will never play with you? “NO” (My sons response) . “Then again it’s your perception, hence you feel that way about them. Shake it off and on the weekend you can go back to play with them”. (mom’s response)

Address these feelings and perception withAffirmation/positive reinforcement and see how best you can help the child get better at a skill.

2. Address the mistake and help them identify  a wrong behavior. Kicking the goal post down was a reaction to that feeling of anger and do you think that was the right thing to do ? “NO” (my son’s response). “Ok that is an unacceptable behavior! great you recognize that so in the future you will be mindful not to be destructive”. (mom’s response)

3.  Address the feeling. Can you describe to me what exactly is the feeling that was  going through you when you destroyed the goal post? and what is going on now? Does it hurt in your tummy or you feel sick, you feel like punching… What are you going to do about these feelings in the future?  Hear them out.

Allow them to come up with a plan or guide them with options. My options : You should apologize for kicking the goal post down.It would be a great idea to talk to your friends and let them know that you feelings are hurt when they laugh at you . You may want dad and mom to have a word with them.

4. Address consequences.  There are always consequences for bad attitude and behaviors. Discuss with kids what are the consequences to expect the next time around the mistake is repeated.

 5.Teach them a life lesson and reassure them.  Teach them how to manage emotions. Let them know, the next time you go through these emotions walk away, think through it and have a talk with your friends and family about your feelings. Let kids know there is always a learning to take away from every mistake. Discuss the learning from this present mistake.

Love unconditionally!!! Never withhold love from your child just because he/she makes mistakes. Remember we all do and we all deserve to be loved no matter what!

 

How do parents manage emotions of their kids after they have messed up? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please comment on the box below. Looking  forward to learning from you.

Cocoon to Butterfly presents 'Raising Arrows'

The Blog 'Cocoon to Butterfly'  hosted its first conference on wholesome parenting 'Raising Arrows' on April 16th 2016, at the Cartoon Art Gallery. The key note speaker was Andalene Salvesen a.k.a  Super Granny, an internationally acclaimed parenting coach, speaker and author. The event was planned and coordinated by the event planning service 'Sherrie's Lounge'.

Shooting an arrow to a precise target requires developing skill, so it is with raising children, except these arrows will be the pillars of a nation, the voice of our collective future. The mission of the blog is to Encourage and Empower Moms with practical help and much needed cheering on to take on the most important yet challenging role of a mother. 

The conference saw mothers from different walks of life in attendance, returning as mothers with purpose... equipped with effective tools and practical steps to be the nurturers they were made to be! The second part of the conference is scheduled for July 2016.

The power of a story

The Middle Eastern woman is stereo typed by the Western and Eastern world as one suppressed, powerless and vulnerable. Having lived in the UAE for the past 12 years I strongly disagree. In my interactions with the Emirati woman, I have known her to be ambitious, accomplished and progressive. Today powerful Emirati women represent a force in their country as key partners building the future of this nation - one we have all come to love and call home. I salute a few whom I have had the pleasure of interacting with and whose stories I am certain will inspire women and leave us fired up to achieving incredible dreams.

For Suad Abdulla a young Emirati Running enthusiast, running alone did not motivate her and left a void deep down. She became distraught with this disturbing thought, which led her to start the first ever-female running club called ‘She Runs Dubai’.  She used the social media to spread her passion for fitness to the rest of the Arab community. This created a stir in the social media front as many like-minded women were waiting for an invitation such as this. Today the group is ever-growing and has a large number of Arab and expat women meeting twice a week for a run in many scenic locations around the UAE. This has given Arab women a platform to pursue running and fitness without the discomfort of being in a mixed gender environment. Suad’s role in founding this movement is a significant force in shaping women’s fitness revolution in this region.

Suad and i at HealthX Forum

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Farah Al Qaissieh started stuttering from the age of 5. In our conversation the 25-year-old Emirati tells me growing up through school years was one of her most trying times. When she reached university she made up her mind to bring about a change to her life and those around her, by challenging her circumstance and conquering her fears. Spurred from her own experiences she founded a non-profit organization called 'Stutter UAE', which aims to bring stutterers together to interact, share experiences and stories. This group has emerged in being a beacon of hope in this nation providing opportunity to speak freely and live fearlessly. As I spoke to this gracefully confident woman who stutters occasionally, I was left captivated by her courage and eloquence. Farah is also the driving force and founder behind a mobile app called 'Discover AE', which is under development. She disclosed to me that it is an app based treasure hunt that let people discover the hidden gems of the city.Farah is the UAE Ambassador for ‘WeAreTheFuture’, a global youth entrepreneurship organization. This inspiring and driven wonder woman is also mentor in several programs. Such programs include, ‘e7 banat al emarat’ – a program inspiring young females to develop initiatives to benefit their communities, and ‘Flat6Labs’ – a startup accelerator in Abu Dhabi.

Farah and i at Women in Leadership Economic Forum 2015

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I believe in the power of a woman’s story and the pursuit of her dreams. These stories inspire and motivate a generation to rise above. In this series my focus is to celebrate women in this region who have risen against all odds. I honor these trail blazers whose initiatives and tireless efforts continues to touch lives and impact their world. There are more inspiring stories on the horizon. Watch this space!